Is sex before marriage a sin?

There are a couple other places within the Old Testament where sexual sins are mentioned, however, this encompasses them all (except a few things things that are indirectly related to sex, such as prostituting your daughter is a sin, a Levite is not to marry a prostitute, etc). This is where sin was defined by God and the New Testament's foundation is based on the Old Testament. If you want to know the definition of a word such as "fornication", you need not look further than the above. And, if you have not noticed, sex before marriage is not on the list. How is it we have assumed that fornication means sex before marriage, when the Strong's Concordance tells us that fornication is:

4202  porneia  por-ni'-ah

 from 4203; harlotry 
(including adultery and 
incest); figuratively, 
idolatry:--fornication.

Notice no mention of sexual intercourse between unmarried people. HOWEVER, before you jump to any conclusions, I would like to stress that this is not God's ideal and God makes that clear in various scriptures. What do I mean by that? Well, if you look at the design of the theocracy in Israel near its beginning, you will notice that the common way was for a woman to be a virgin at marriage. Meaning, this is the ideal in scripture to this topic and also God's hope and desire.

Just like it is God's desire for no marriage to break, however, sometimes, there are situations where it is wise for a marriage to be broken(abuse, etc). So, sex before marriage is not a sin, however, God would desire sex to be within marriage and actually in Old Testament times, having sex with a virgin meant obligation to marry (unless the father refuses). However, again, this is refering to virgins and ironically a non-virgin or potentially a woman who is divorced, there is no such command to marry if they have sex before marriage.

What is the reason that God desires sex to be in marriage? I believe it was to curb the spread of sin, as I have seen scripture that would indicate such things lead to the spread of sin (like gambling, alcohol, prostitution also have this ability). Meaning, it may not be a sin to have sex before marriage, however, it tends to be something to where sin is easily born from. Kind of like drinking alcohol. It may not be a sin, however, is it wise? Most people would think it is unwise to drive drunk or to walk near an edge of a cliff. It may not be a sin to walk near an edge of a cliff, but that doesn't mean you should go do it either.. Same is the case with sex before marriage. It is not a sin, however, is it wise? Alcoholism is no joke and neither is the myriad of problems that can come from promiscuity. In other words, sleeping around with people is not wise, just like taking drugs is not wise.

I look at these type of lifestyle choices like "coveting". It may not be a sin to covet, but it sure can lead you to sinning. Just ask King David! I am sure he very much regreted some of the choices he made, particularly with Bathesheba. If you are not married, but in a serious relationship, it is very tempting to have sex. What I would suggest is do your best to abstain. Know it is very possible to accomplish if you set your mind to it. Does that mean you can not kiss, touch, etc? No, it does not, however realize, those things can make it far more tempting to have sex as well.

It may sound strange that I am proposing sex is not a sin before marriage, but then counseling you not to have sex before marriage. Probably because many treat the topic in a very black and white fashion. Generally, the two viewpoints are, sex before marriage is a sin and you are evil if you do it.. Or the other viewpoint, sex before marriage is good and don't let anyone stop you. What I am saying is both viewpoints are wrong. Sex before marriage is not wise, but it is not a sin. You will not goto Hell because you had sex before marriage.

Some of you maybe wondering, if it isn't a sin, what exactly is it? Look at it like fatherly advice from God. Its like a practical wisdom separate from right and wrong. It is like your parents telling you to stay away from drugs or avoid certain types of people. It is a form of wisdom, to help you keep your life on track and to avoid problems and potential temptations.. It maybe difficult at first to think of it this way, however, it is its proper place.

Now for you religious leaders, who assume sex before marriage is a sin. I can very easily prove it to you that it is not a sin. It is a very simple logical, biblical progression. I elaborate on it more below, however, to concisely state it here it goes like this: All sin requires blood sacrifice to atone for the sin. Sin is defined within the Old Testament. When an action is a sin, either the person is stoned (blood shedd) or an animal is sacrificed for the sin (blood shed). Hebrews makes it very clear, that without the shedding of blood, there is no remission of sin. However, if you read in the Old Testament, as I discuss below, it is made abundantly clear that no sacrifice or stoning is required if someone has sex before marriage, thus proving, it is not a sin. Rather than a sin, it is something God doesn't desire. There are certain things that are not sins, but God would rather you not do them, and this would be one of those things.

Well, what does the Old Testament say about sex before marriage? If she is a young virgin under parential care and you have sex with her, you have stolen the dowry from the father and are required to marry his daughter (unless he refuses you). Whether he ends up marrying or not, he has to pay the dowry(as he stole this from the father when sleeping with his daughter the ability to get rightly married). There is no burnt sacrifice required for this situation (as long as the dowry is paid, otherwise it is theft). And as we discussed before, blood has to be shed for remission of sins. So, if this was a sin, there would have either been someone dying for their sin or an animal dying in his place. Plain and simple.

Just reading the above scriptural link and thinking it through, it becomes very obvious on God's viewpoint of sex between a young woman(under father's care) and a man. Although, there is no sin and sacrifice requirement for the action, note that he wants them to marry, because of the father's rights. It shows it is something that bears responsibility, or he would not have said they should marry. I don't want to read into this too much, as there are two factors. One factor is the father's right to an honorable marriage for his daughter and the dowry to be paid to him. The other factor is whether God wants them to marry outside the influence of the father. I believe the only factor is the father's loss, because the father has the last word on whether the man can marry his daughter or not. If there was more wrong to the situation, God would then be having the final word (as it would be theft from God also). So, I believe God looks at it as he stole from the father of the girl only in this situation.

Today, we do not have a "dowry" in many modern nations like the United States, however, we do have an age to which she is under the father's care. So, if you sleep with a non-married woman, you have not stolen from the father (Assuming she is older and not under his care. As this principle is still in place). To make it clear, just because it is not a sin, doesn't mean it isn't something you should be cautious about. Further, sin is often born from such things, just like with alcohol, etc. With sex, there is the potential of pregnancy, STDs, etc. Be careful, and consider what God has for your life and if you want to play games, or be serious.